For those of you who are visually impaired, I'm a white, middle-aged bloke. I have a purple three-piece suit on, specially made for me, kind of matching purple hair, and the least interesting thing about me is my wheelchair. Purple is the symbol of disability（残疾）, by the way. I'm not purple-rinse（冲洗）-ish normally. 83% of disabled（ 残疾的） people develop their disability（残疾）, arrive at disability after they've been born（承担） sometime（在某一时候） later in life, and I'm one of those 83%. Now, thanks to, I think, I don't know if it was nature or nurture（养育）, but a very positive attitude to life, but principally（主要） because of the amazing support of colleagues and friends and my family through life, I've had an amazing time, and I hope that I've got many more years of having bonkers adventures and brilliant times.

  So I could now easily give（做） you a speech, a standard disabled speech. Seize（抓住） the day. You never know what's around the corner. Don't pity me. All that monarchy（君主政体）, but actually what I'm going to do, because I want you to have a takeaway, not pizza, but a takeaway from this speech, is I'm going to talk about the friends and colleagues who have helped me through life have just a wonderful time. So that's going to be, they haven't drifted（漂流） away, and I've talked about, I'm talking about not being a stranger.

  You find when you're disabled, and I'll come on to it, people drift away. So please don't drift away. That's going to be the message. So my story starts in 1992. I was living in Esblis, a little village east of Paris, and I was walking down the high street, and I had just passed the mini market on the left, and all of a sudden I was totally overwhelmed by pins and needles right down my left hand side, so intense（强烈的） that actually in later life I called them nails and needles. And they didn't go away for three whole days, but given I was 23, and therefore immortal（不朽的）, and a bloke, I totally ignored it, and as I said, it went away, and I got on with life.

  Now I know it was 1992, and it's kind of been given away in my little pre-empt, because history tells us that a theme park east of Paris also opened in 1992. Now that's me at the front there holding Mickey Mouse's hand, the boss, but behind me, yeah, yeah, so I had the most amazing job. I was looking after A-list celebrities and major VIPs, and when you open a theme park, a Disney theme park, you get A-list celebrities. Now Michael Jackson was a step up further. Now I know he was engulfed（卷入） in scandal（丑行） later, but in the 90s there were three questions I was guaranteed（保证） to be asked. One, is Bubbles the chimpanzee with him?

  No. Two, does he sleep in an oxygen tent? No. Three, has he had plastic surgery（外科）? Bloody（血腥的） hell（地狱） yes. Now there's not many people who can genuinely（真正地） claim that they've had Michael Jackson sing "It's a Small World" in the back of the car to him, but I can genuinely claim that.

  I haven't got it on tape, but that happened. He was in my car for three days. I looked after Clint Eastwood, Kevin Costner. Bonkers, brilliant times. Fast forward two years, my second symptom popped（ 发出“砰”的一声） up. Bladder（膀胱） issues.

  This I didn't describe in my visual（视觉的） impairment description, but on my lap（膝部） is where I wee（极小的）. I wee out of my tummy into a bag, but in 1994 I suddenly started developing bladder issues, which generally involved a rush（ 冲） to the loo, sometimes I didn't make it. And this being France in the 90s, they had a very strange relationship with urinating in public and basically（基本上） I could wee（极小的） anywhere. So I visited many a lamp post, a tree, a bush（灌木）, a gate, a doorway（门口）, just anywhere. And again I ignored it and I assumed（假定） that I was in some kind of secret sect（宗派） of men who occasionally（偶然） had accidents and didn't talk about it. And I got on with life.

  Two years later, still at Disney, and my third symptom, erectile dysfunction, floppy willy. Now love God that I was, or floozy at least that I was. Funnily enough I did finally go to the GP, the doctor, and he sent me to a specialist（专家） in Paris who promptly（敏捷地） injected（注入） directly into my willy and induced a massive erection.