They say the road to hell（地狱） is paved（铺路） with good intentions. But let's be honest, do we really want to live in a world where we no longer maintain（维持） good intentions? Despite（不管） how negative and polarizing（（使）极化） the world may seem at times, many of us are still doing our best to maintain good intentions and positive interactions（相互作用） with each other. And yet, it can be frustrating（令人沮丧的） sometimes to discover that something that we've said or done was still experienced by someone else as being offensive（攻势）. In response to this, it's easy to get stuck in unhealthy extreme reactions such as strongly defending（保卫） our character from perceived（察觉） attacks, only to realize that we've invalidated someone else's feelings as a result. Or maybe we walk on eggshells（蛋壳） or jump through every hoop possible to avoid offending（冒犯） anyone, only to shame ourselves for making（使） any mistakes or blame（ 责备） others for being too sensitive（敏感的）.

  Or maybe we just give up all together, concluding that, you know, you just can't make anybody happy these days. So why even try? I don't know about you, but that makes me scared. Because I don't know how we can maintain good intentions and positive interactions with each other if we are still going around living in fear of even unintentional offenses（冒犯）. However, I believe there's another way. With your help, I believe that we can maintain good intentions, avoid the shame（ 遗憾的事） and blame（ 责备） game, and even strengthen（加强） interactions（相互作用） with those who we encounter（遭遇） on a regular basis.

  If that's of interest to you, then I invite you to join me in learning to accept the inevitability of offense. Let me explain. During my 20+ years as a marriage and family therapist（临床医学家）, I've considered it an honor to be welcomed into the emotionally（感情上地） vulnerable（易受攻击的） spaces of new and seasoned couples through a variety of life circumstances（情况） and challenges. During that time, I've gained（获得） a great appreciation（欣赏） for four relationship strengthening（加强） principles that have helped not only the couples who I serve, but also individual, personal, and professional relationships in all walks of life. This first relationship strengthening principle（原理） comes to life for me during one of my greatest professional joys（欢乐）, which is when premarital engaged（使从事于） couples come into my office with a big smile on their face, expressing how confident that they are that they have found（找到） the one who they are to spend the rest of their life with, primarily（首先） because they never disagree or argue with each other. That's when I get a big smile on my face, and I say, "That is awesome. You guys are in the right place and I can help you fix that."

  They get confused, just like that. And they say, "Wait, what? You want us to argue and fight with each other?" I reassuringly say, "No, no. But I do want you to know that you can disagree with each other and still love each other. You can misunderstand each other and not conclude that maybe we weren't meant to be or end the relationship prematurely with the seemingly（看来似乎） irreconcilable offenses（冒犯）." You see, no matter how hard you try, you will. We will all offend someone at some point in time in our lives. You know how I know. Because there's no absolute（绝对的） list of what's offensive（攻势） and what's not.

  What's offensive changes over time. What's offensive to one person is perfectly fine to the next. After all, you can't tell someone what they should be offended by or what they shouldn't. Not only that, but what's offensive is not always about an absolute list of right or wrongs（坏事）, but more often something that was said or done that reminds someone of a past hurt（痛苦） and makes（使） them fear that future harm（伤害） is on the way. As a result, if you find out that you've unintentionally（无意地） offended（冒犯） someone, I encourage you to resist（抵抗） the temptation to get stuck in the shock（ 震动） of the existence（存在） of the offense（冒犯） instead accept the inevitability of offense（冒犯）. Take the time to learn what made that offensive to the person in front of you and then make every reasonable（合理的） effort to reduce the likelihood（可能性） of repeating that offense（冒犯） moving forward.