No one said well done. No one, not one friend. I was so shocked（震惊的）. Oh, they said all sorts of things like, "Well, I hope you're back on it for my birthday party." And what you say, "Jill, super（特级的）, you're having a laugh. And oh, for goodness（优良） sakes（缘故）, don't be so pious（虔诚的） and boring. So many triggers（扳机）. I felt judging me, shaming me, dismissing（解散） me, even though there was probably no intention to do that." A poll（投票） of 1,000 British participants（参与者） revealed（显示） that while six out of 10 people at any one time are looking to cut down on their alcohol intake, a massive（厚重的） 64% reported that they are so ashamed（惭愧(的)） by their friends and their family.

  Wow. And some even report that their so-called friends, 67% of them report this, have tried to sabotage（妨害） them by buying them alcoholic drinks and thrusting（插） the drink upon them at the bar, even when they've made it clear that they're quitting drinking. That familiar phrase, "Go on, one won't hurt you." So is it any wonder that many people keep their sober（冷静的） choices hidden, with 61% of those participants admitting that they'd gone to the bar on their own and bought alcohol-free drinks for themselves and not tell their friends the fear of being laughed at? That is 610 people out of 1,000 pretending. Why are we all pretending?

  I had long known that there was stigma in drinking, and I had felt caught in that trap（陷阱） in that stigma for years, feeling lonely, loathsome（讨厌的）, less than undeserving and less than those people who could take it or leave it. I remember so well the silence（沉默）. I remember the shame（ 遗憾的事）. I remember the horror. I remember the hiding. I remember the lying. But it was the silence that I really remember.

  My silence, fueling（给…加燃料） the shame（ 遗憾的事） of my drinking, glass after glass, bottle after bottle. But what I didn't know until I quit drinking was that there is also stigma in sobriety. So much so that when I had sort of experienced the euphoria（精神欢快） and the pride（骄傲） from initially（最初） quitting, that I started to turn the volume（卷） down on my achievement when socialising（ 来往） with my friends. That stigma was so suffocating. It was pervasive（普遍的）. It was dismissive.

  Go on. One won't hurt you. And I found（找到） myself justifying（证明合法）. Why on earth did I need to justify or defend（保卫） a decision that I had made for my health, for my self（自己）-esteem（尊重）, for my worth（价值）? To show up finally in the world, truly（真实地） in line with my values, finally feeling alive and living. I was so proud that I had not only changed my relationship with alcohol, but I had fully（充分地） divorced（与……离婚） it. I had got that decree（法令） absolute through in record time.

  I had walked away from a toxic（有毒的） love affair（事情） and tasted the magical（魔术的） freedom of doing so. And yet despite（不管） the deep joy（欢乐） of a hopeful（有希望的） future, when I discovered the attitude of other people, I just didn't talk about it anymore. I didn't shout from the rooftops（屋顶） about it. I turned the volume（卷） down on it. I became silent about my choice. Stigma really is silencing. And all the time hearing those words in my ears, go on.

  One won't hurt you. You may wonder when the shame started. So let me take you back to my drinking decades. So things shifted（替换） from social drinking and party girl shots（发射） of my 20s and my 30s to shameful solo（独奏曲） drinking and hidden glugging in my 40s and my early 50s. Oh, how I longed to be a take it or leave it drinker. Oh, how I longed to be able to find different ways to deal with the stress in my life.

  But more than anything, oh, how I longed to silence the voice in my head and to stop lying to myself.